The final draft is written. It’s been edited and proofread and rewritten and edited and proofread again. I’m ready to make a decision. Do I want to send this book off to agents and publishers, or do I want to bite the bullet and self-publish? I’ve tried the self-publishing route and it didn’t go well, but I’m just not sure that had as much to do with not being good at selling as it was about the books, especially the first one, being poorly written. I feel like I’ve fixed a lot of that problem. Or at least I hope I have.

The stark reality is I sold several copies of the first book, but the sales dwindled away with each new one, and I think that has a lot to do with people reading the first one, being disappointed by the quality of the writing, and not being willing to take a chance on the later books. Yes, there were those who stuck it out and read them all, some even finding the later books to be pretty good. But there was no groundswell of people begging for the next book after the first one. I think if the first had been up to the standard this new book is, that clamoring for more may have actually been there.

But that still leaves me with the question of how to publish. I went with self-publishing the first time because no agent or publisher expressed even the slightest interest in my work. I was convinced that was because the system was just unfairly stacked against me. How could it possibly be that I didn’t deserve the attention of the publishing community? Well, it could be possible my books just weren’t ready to be published. Which is why my first go-around failed. But if my new books are good enough to self-publish and expect some level of success, doesn’t that mean they may be of interest to publishing houses too?

It’s a bit of a conundrum. Each possible route has pitfalls. Self-publishing is a labor-intensive prospect, with all the legwork, from setting up readings to getting the book into bookstores, being done by myself or someone I hire. Having the book professionally edited is pricey too, as is hiring someone to design the cover. All those expenses fall squarely on my shoulders and come before a single book is ever sold. Unless I go the same route I did before, which was self-edit and bum services from artistic friends or simply build the cover myself using the software of whatever service I use to publish the book.

Traditional publishing, on the other hand, has no up-front expenses, but the hard truth is the chances of actually getting the attention of an agent, who then gets the attention of a publisher, are astronomical. In my mind, it’s roughly akin to hitting a bullseye with an arrow and then splitting the first arrow in half with the second. And, assuming I do succeed in signing a deal with a publisher, the time between signing and publishing is measured in years, not months. Yes, there can be an advance toward future sales, but big ones are reserved for known quantities, like the Stephen Kings and the Lee Childs and the Clive Cusslers of the world. Not for little nobodies like me.

Another thing to consider is royalties. The profits from self-published books are divided two ways between the author and the printer. With traditional publishing, it’s divided three or four ways, with the publisher and agent taking a healthy cut. So, while being traditionaly published can mean more sales, a modestly successful indie author can actually make more money than an even more successful author that’s traditional.

But the ultimate question I need to answer is, am I willing to live with the stigma of being an indie author, which is admittedly not what it used to be, or do I want to be able to say I made it to the big leagues by getting that publishing contract? I have to admit, as long as I understood how books worked, I’ve longed to be a traditionally published author. I’ve done the indie thing already. And, to be honest, I don’t truly need the money. I have my retirement and two part-time jobs I enjoy. I have enough. And enough is enough. How much money I make as an author, therefore, isn’t a great motivating factor for me.

And there’s my answer. I want a book deal. I want it badly enough to live through the rejection process for at least a couple years. I’m still young enough that a couple years isn’t too long. And, if the deal never comes, I can still fall back on publishing them myself.