In the, “Peak Performance” episode of Star Trek: the Next Generation, Captain Jean-Luc Picard is talking to his android officer, Commander Data. Data is puzzled because he lost a battle despite making no errors as a leader. Picard, played perfectly by Patrick Stewart, tells Data, “It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness; that is life.” This simple statement reveals a deceptively deep truth: life is not fair. No matter how much you try to keep it from happening, sometimes you’ll be in a position where, through no one’s fault, you’ll have to choose between two horribly bad options. And no matter which you choose, you’ll probably be unhappy. And it’s entirely like you’ll make the people around you unhappy too.

I faced that exact situation this week. I won’t share the particulars, for fear that folks will feel it’s their place to pass judgment on my decision. But to speak in generalities, I found myself in a circumstance where I had to pick between feeling extremely unhappy for a long period of time–think years, up to a decade–or doing something that made me feel great guilt and regret but was probably the right thing to do, or at least the only workable thing. So I chose guilt and regret. And guess what? I feel really bad and wish I hadn’t done it while also knowing was the only choice to make.

There was a time in my life when I would have chosen the unhappy-for-a-long-time option. Or at least I would have for a long time before finally making the guilt-and-regret choice, which doesn’t make sense at all, I know, because the reality is that the only viable option was to do what I did. I just didn’t want the responsibility. So, I would have complained and carped and belly-ached for months, if not years, before I finally decided there was no way around it, though probably too late to actually help the situation. And then, for the bonus, I would have felt guilty over what I finally did AND over taking too long to do it.

I think it has to do with seeing the bigger picture, something I haven’t historically been good at. I was the kind of person who would kick the can a little way down the road in the hopes someone would take it off my hands by the time I got to it again. Over the years, that’s happened, let me see, none of the times I hoped it would. Well, it surely happened once, maybe twice. But not enough to teach me that putting off hard decisions is a smart thing to do. I guess it took my gaining enough perspective to realize something I have tried to get my students to realize for years: it’s almost always better to make the tough decision now and live with the guilt for a little while than it is to put it off and hope it goes away. It doesn’t go away.

I’m not here to give advice. You need to do what you need to do. I’m just hoping you may benefit from my bad example. To quote cartoonist Ashleigh Brilliant, “It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others.” At least that’s a purpose.