As you may know, I recently performed the wedding of my daughter and newly minted son-in-law. It was an honor and a privilege and a blessing not just to be a part of the wedding, but to be allowed to speak from the heart as they started their voyage through life together. I was told by a number of folks that what I said to them was of value, and a few who weren’t there have requested that I share my message. So, here it is:

Welcome family. I don’t say family and friends because every person here is, in some way, family to the bride and groom. Some, like parents, siblings, cousins, aunts, grandparents, and even great-grandparents, are family by birth. Others, like best friends and, oh I don’t know, adoptive parents, are family by choice. And we are also here as the family of God to witness the joining of Brodie and Lauren in holy matrimony. Marriage is sacred binding of two hearts, two souls, two lives into one. While each of you will maintain your own individuality, the two of you will become one in that you will be one unified force moving through your life. It’s my prayer that you will maintain that bond until the day you are parted in this life by death a long time from now. Toward that end, I have some thoughts that will, I hope, help you to share a lifelong bond of love and devotion to one another. These aren’t new ideas, nor are they earth-shatteringly profound. But while it may not always be easy to stay in love with your partner, it’s not really very complex. All it takes is commitment to a few simple things.

First, don’t seek to make the other into the partner you want. Instead, spend all your energy being the partner the other needs. Love one another. Cheer for one another. Lift one another up. The only competition between you should be to see who can love the other the most. Almost every time your mom says she loves me, I respond with I love you more. Not that I love her more than she loves me, but that I love her more than I ever did before. I love her more than I thought it was possible to love anyone. More than I was ever capable of loving someone until your mom came along and loved me more. Do that for one another. Love one another more. More every single day.

Second, remember that love is a choice, not a feeling. Brodie, always choose to see the best in Lauren. Lauren, choose to love Brodie even on those days when he isn’t being very likeable. Each of you, choose to put the wants and needs of the other before your own. I don’t mean to think less of yourself, but to just think of yourself less. When you find yourselves in conflict, remember—always—that it’s not you against one another. It’s you two together against the problem. Choose one another every single day. There will be thousands of times throughout your life together when you’ll have a choice. A choice between love and anger. Love and jealousy. Love and pettiness. Love and selfishness. Love and bitterness. Love and being right. Always choose love. Choose one another. Over every other person in the world.

Finally, keep God in the center of your relationship. Worship together. Pray with and for one another. Study your Bible together. Serve others in God’s name together. I know I never feel closer to your mom than when we’re doing these things. To hold each other’s hands in prayer or to feed the hungry or gather Christmas shoeboxes together in God’s name is a powerful force that binds us as a couple. I pray you find the same to be true.

Lauren, I hope you know just how much I love you and how proud I am of you. When I fell in love with your mom, I had no idea just how much I would also grow to love you. It’s my blessing to call you my daughter. And it’s my honor to stand up here with you as you declare your love for Brodie. Brodie, in the relatively short time I’ve known you, I’ve found you to be a good, kind young man of integrity. It is my prayer that you both find the joy in your marriage that your mom and I have found in ours. I’m confident that you will, with God’s help and the love and the support of all these folks here.